Something Funny for a Bad Day
You know how the maxim goes: Laughter is the best medicine. And there's so much truth to that old aphorism. If you're having a bad day, or if someone you love needs a niggling cheering upwardly, humor can aid ease the tension and create a trivial pocket of joy amid life's stresses.
This drove of funny quotes provides an array of ways to trigger that smile and turn around someone's lousy mood. (Even if that someone is you!) Nosotros've got funny quotes about love, spousal relationship, aging, parenting, and and so many more relatable topics. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or even but to print and hang above your desk to serve as a little reminder that life's non that serious — and we're all much better off laughing so we don't weep!
These funny quotes come up from famous comedians like Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller. Yous'll also discover laugh-out-loud quotes from your favorite timeless sitcoms like The Role, and funny-just-oh-so-wise movies like Steel Magnolias. So enjoy our list and bookmark information technology to come back to anytime yous need a laugh.
Looking for more inspiration? Check out these poignant quotes for women and inspirational quotes about life.
Funny Quotes Near Life
1. "Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That'south one of my mottos."
—Stanley Hudson, The Office
2. "In that location is no sunrise and then cute that it is worth waking me upwardly to see information technology."
―Mindy Kaling
3. "I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add together it to the nutrient."
—Westward.C. Fields
4. "People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if yous have enough coin, you can take a key made."
—Joan Rivers
5. "Do not accept life likewise seriously. You volition never get out of it alive."
—Elbert Hubbard
6. "I generally avoid temptation unless I tin can't resist it."
―Mae Westward
7. "Sometimes you prevarication in bed at dark and you lot don't have a single affair to worry about. That always worries me!"
—Charlie Dark-brown
viii. "The optimist proclaims that we alive in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is truthful."
—James Branch Cabell
nine. "I'm killing fourth dimension while I wait for life to shower me with significant and happiness."
―Bill Watterson
10. "Y'all only live one time, but if you do it right, once is enough."
―Mae West
11. "If at first you don't succeed, endeavour, endeavor once more. And so quit. No employ being a damn fool about it."
―W.C. Fields
12. "I love mankind... it's people I tin't stand up!!"
― Charles M. Schulz
13. "I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability."
―Oscar Wilde
14. "Would I rather exist feared or loved? Easy. Both. I desire people to be afraid of how much they love me."
—Michael Scott, The Office
15. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not certain about the universe."
―Albert Einstein
sixteen. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
―Cathy Guisewite
17. "Life is pleasant. Expiry is peaceful. Information technology's the transition that'due south troublesome."
―Isaac Asimov
xviii. "When I was growing up I e'er wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more than specific."
—Lily Tomlin
19. "I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort."
—Zach Galifianakis
twenty. "I just desire to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've always wanted."
—Kevin Malone, The Part
21. "Whenever I'chiliad well-nigh to do something, I call back, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I practice not do that affair."
—Dwight Schrute, The Part
22. "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the mean solar day after tomorrow only too."
—Mark Twain
23. "I'k not crazy — I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."
—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes for Friends
24. "Well, you lot know what they say: If y'all don't have anything nice to say near anybody, come sit by me."
—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
25. "A woman is like a tea handbag: You can't tell how potent she is until you put her in hot water."
—Eleanor Roosevelt
26. "Lots of people want to ride with you lot in the limo, simply what you want is someone who will take the charabanc with yous when the limo breaks down."
—Oprah Winfrey
27. "Whatsoever women practice they must practise twice besides as men to exist idea one-half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
—Charlotte Whitton
28. "I drink to make other people more interesting."
—Ernest Hemingway
29. "Wine is constant proof that God loves united states and loves to see usa happy."
—Benjamin Franklin
thirty. "When you're in jail, a good friend will exist trying to bond y'all out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you proverb, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
―Groucho Marx
31. "I'1000 not offended by blonde jokes considering I know I'g not dumb. And I too know that I'm not blonde."
—Dolly Parton
32. "I similar my money where I can meet information technology: hanging in my cupboard."
—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
33. "Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping."
—Blanche Devereaux, The Gold Girls
34. "The statistics on sanity are that i out of every four Americans is suffering from some class of mental affliction. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK, then it'due south y'all." —Rita Mae Brown
35. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. Only they don't actually know me."
—Garry Shandling
36. "People waste matter their time pondering whether a drinking glass is one-half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever's in the drinking glass."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Gilt Girls
37. "I don't care what they say about me. I just want to swallow."
—Pam Beesly, The Role
38. "Don't waste material so much time thinking about how much you lot weigh. There is no more than mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-subversive diversion from the fun of living."
—Meryl Streep
39. "Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford."
—Cindy Crawford
40. "I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't recall information technology'southward natural."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes About Aging
41. "The secret of staying young is to alive honestly, consume slowly, and lie nearly your age."
—Lucille Ball
42. "Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your confront."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
43. "You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police."
—Joan Rivers
44. "People say, 'How you stay looking so young?' I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and skilful makeup."
—Dolly Parton
45. "Await, you didn't ask me for my stance, but I'm former, so I'm giving it anyway."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Gilded Girls
46. "No thing how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're erstwhile, you sag, get over it."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
47. "You know you're getting old when y'all stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could practice while you're down at that place." —George Burns
48. "Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese."
—Luis Buñuel
49. "As you lot get older, iii things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I tin't remember the other 2."
—Sir Norman Wisdom
Funny Quotes About Marriage
50. "Before you lot ally a person, you should first brand them use a estimator with tedious Internet service to run across who they really are."
—Will Ferrell
51. "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. And then each is inevitably disappointed."
—Albert Einstein
52. "I love you no matter what you practise, just do you have to do and then much of it?"
—Jean Illsley Clarke
53. "Love is blind but marriage is a real centre-opener."
—Pauline Thomason
54. "Never go to bed mad. Stay upward and fight."
―Phyllis Diller
55. "The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone."
—Dolly Parton
56. "The best way to get most husbands to practise something is to suggest that perhaps they're too quondam to do it."
—Shirley MacLaine
57. "Every bit a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You tin can either be right, or you can exist happy."
—Ralphie May
58. "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
—Jim Carrey
Short Funny Quotes
59. "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
—Oscar Wilde
threescore. "The older you get, the better you lot get. Unless you're a assistant."
—Betty White
61. "If you tin't be kind, at least exist vague."
—Judith Martin
62. "Anybody who tells you money tin't purchase happiness never had any."
—Samuel L. Jackson
63. "Reality continues to ruin my life."
―Bill Watterson
64. "Don't exist and then humble — you are not that great."
―Golda Meir
65. "Never miss a good hazard to shut up."
―Will Rogers
66. "I've had cracking success being a total idiot. "
―Jerry Lewis
67. "Do things that brand you happy within the confines of the legal system."
―Ellen DeGeneres
68. "Become to heaven for the climate, hell for the company."
—Marking Twain
69. "Instant gratification takes too long."
—Carrie Fisher
70. "Don't go around saying the world owes yous a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
—Marking Twain
71. "My tastes are unproblematic: I am easily satisfied with the best."
―Winston S. Churchill
72. "All the things I like to practise are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."
—Alexander Woollcott
73. "Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired."
—Sandra Bullock
Clever Quotes and Sayings
74. "Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to exist someone who is wise, and then simply behave similar they would."
—Neil Gaiman
75. "Follow your passion, stay truthful to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you're in the forest and you lot're lost and you see a path then by all ways you lot should follow that."
—Ellen DeGeneres
76. "People who think they know everything are a groovy annoyance to those of us who practise."
—Isaac Asimov
77. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is every bit nasty as himself, and hates them for it."
―George Bernard Shaw
78. "Coin can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up correct alongside it."
—David Lee Roth
79. "The lord gave us two ends: One to sit down on and the other to think with. Success depends on which 1 we use the most."
—Ann Landers
Funny Quotes About Parenting
fourscore. "When my kids go wild and unruly, I utilize a squeamish, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
—Erma Bombeck
81. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. So I want to motion in with them."
—Phyllis Diller
82. "Cleaning your house while your kids are all the same growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
—Phyllis Diller
83. "It is not easy being a female parent. If information technology were easy, fathers would do it."
—Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
84. "Adults are e'er asking children what they want to exist when they grow up considering they're looking for ideas."
—Paula Poundstone
85. "If you lot are non yelling at your kids, y'all are not spending enough fourth dimension with them."
—Reese Witherspoon
86. "At that place is no such thing equally fun for the whole family." —Jerry Seinfeld
87. "Everybody wants to save the earth. No 1 wants to help mom practise the dishes."
—P.J. O'Rourke
Funny Quotes About Work
88. "Everything I have I owe to this task... this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job."
—Jim Halpert, The Role
89. "An office is a place to alive life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true."
—Michael Scott, The Office
90. "So this is my life — until I win the lottery."
—Jim Halpert, The Office
91. "The best style to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
—Oscar Wilde
92. "Housework can't kill you, but why take the take a chance?"
—Phyllis Diller
93. "I hate housework. Yous make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."
—Joan Rivers
94. "I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and expect at it for hours."
―Jerome K. Jerome
95. "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for information technology by leaving early."
―Charles Lamb
96. "Housekeeping is like beingness caught in a revolving door."
—Marcelene Cox
97. "The only thing that always sat its way to success was a hen."
—Sarah Brown
98. "Yous can't take a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic."
—Zig Ziglar
99. "All you need in this life is ignorance and conviction — so success is sure."
—Marking Twain
100. "Even if you lot are on the correct runway, you lot will get run over if you just sit there."
—Will Rogers
This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this folio to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to observe more than information about this and similar content at piano.io
Source: https://www.womansday.com/life/a38629035/funny-quotes/
0 Response to "Something Funny for a Bad Day"
Post a Comment